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Post by Icciotto on Feb 28, 2013 13:07:37 GMT -5
I ask this following question not out of personal experience (thankfully, I have been with the one and only love of my life 5 years in April), but just from watching a few shows out of a series on TV called 'Unfaithful'. If you haven't seen/heard of them they are about 40 minute shows that have two sets of couples per show that go over their stories of how they cheated on one another. What amazes me is some (granted, not all, but I'd say a good 40-50%) of the couple get back together and have been married (after the affair) for something like 15-30 years.
Now, one part of me is like...wow, you know? That's pretty amazing that you guys can trust one another after that...and they talk of their love being 'strong enough' to overcome the affairs and such. But then the other part of me thinks...you may say you have a love strong enough to 'overcome' this bump, but do you really ever overcome it? And to me personally, I feel as though if you cheat on your spouse/significant other, your love isn't 'that strong' to begin with. I truly do apologize in advanced if anyone takes offense to that if you have been in a relationship where there was an affair and you overcame it, but I really don't believe something like unfaithfulness in a relationship is necessary. If you are that unhappy in your relationship for whatever reason...then break up, split, divorce. To me, you know, if you want to be with someone else, fine, but be honest...why are you going to go sneaking around pulling the wool over your partner's eyes? In the end you are just making it harder for your partner anyway, so don't even try to go the route, 'oh, but I didn't want to "hurt" him/her.' Please. Seriously, spare me. Eh, that's just my opinion though; of course yours may be different than mine, however, I'm just curious...
If your spouse/partner cheated on you, do you believe in second chances?
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Post by ayshajade ♥ on Feb 28, 2013 15:56:02 GMT -5
You know I agree with you 100%, I've often thought the same thing myself xD I know it's so pathetic but I actually can't watch shows like 'Cheaters' any more, it just hurts me thinking that everyone does it. Once the trust is broken that's it. I'm talking from past experience. I'm not saying the love goes because once you love someone they will always be a part of you. But, how can you live with someone and carry on acting 'normal' when you feel like you've failed somewhere? I couldn't do it. Why did they do it? Weren't you ever good enough? And everything your partner said now feels like lies. It's horrible. I can still physically feel those feelings now and it's been over 2 years. With me honestly, you can try continuing but once the trust is gone it truly has, no matter how hard you try to sort it out. I used to be such a chilled person now I just feel paranoid, anxious and not good enough all for a "mistake". I'm sure it's a mistake pal and how long has it taken you to realise that? I remember a guy messaged me on facebook (when I had it) and I replied only "I'm fine wbu?", then I thought NO I don't have to stoop as low as him and til this day I still don't hear the end of it. It's always my fault one way or another. I hated the fact of him being with someone else and it still crushes. I remember thinking, "I would give every one a second chance", even though it still crushes me I think to myself "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". Once the trust has gone - it's gone. I just don't understand why people get with someone to cheat. If you're not happy leave for goodness sake sucuidsvhdsuvnsdjvnbcb!!
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Post by Icciotto on Feb 28, 2013 18:05:28 GMT -5
That is exactly what I always thought, Ayshajade, 'If you're not happy leave'...it is really that simple. You will do so much less damage to yourself and your partner at the time if you are just honest and go your separate ways.
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Post by shade on Mar 6, 2013 16:50:00 GMT -5
I agree with what you guys have said about the trust thing. For me it is more about the lying that comes with cheating. If someone could cheat without lying I would find it easier to give a second chance. That's not to say if I was with someone and they came up to me and said "hey I just cheated on you but since I'm not lying you can't be mad" I wouldn't take a base ball bat to their car. I just can't stand people lying to me. Like Ayshajade I've had personal experience with lying boyfriends(possibly cheating though I lack the confessions). I don't know how someone can get over it. I guess if their love is strong enough but I am not capable of comprehending that level of love myself and failed when I tried.
Ayshajade, I know you've probably heard it before and know it even if you don't really know it(because THAT makes since) but it's really not your fault but if you need someone to lend a...well listening ear doesn't really apply but whatever feel free to message me.
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Post by ayshajade ♥ on Mar 7, 2013 10:02:28 GMT -5
Awwwww thank you Shade <3 I could write a whole book on cheating, lying scumbags xD And yeah deffo it is the lying to you, if someone as close as that can hurt you like that, it messes you up
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Meomi
Hatchling
Posts: 65 
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Post by Meomi on Mar 7, 2013 14:16:17 GMT -5
I agree 100% with what you said Icciotto. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I've already warned him, if you plan on cheating on me, let me go before you do because if I found out you cheat on me, I don't give second chances. If you're going to disrepect me like that, you're not the guy for me. Buh bye, end of story. You have NO idea how against cheating I am. I've never been cheated on (at least not that I know of but he BETTER have not) and I've never cheated on anyone either. To me, it's pointless. Save the trouble, break up and do what you want.
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Post by ayshajade ♥ on Mar 7, 2013 15:33:59 GMT -5
Tbh, coming to think of it, if my current boyfriend cheated on me I would chop his willy off >:/
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Meomi
Hatchling
Posts: 65
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Post by Meomi on Mar 7, 2013 15:36:12 GMT -5
Tbh, coming to think of it, if my current boyfriend cheated on me I would chop his willy off >:/ I second that! LOL! |
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Post by Icciotto on Mar 7, 2013 18:53:18 GMT -5
I agree 100% with what you said Icciotto. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I've already warned him, if you plan on cheating on me, let me go before you do because if I found out you cheat on me, I don't give second chances. If you're going to disrepect me like that, you're not the guy for me. Buh bye, end of story. You have NO idea how against cheating I am. I've never been cheated on (at least not that I know of but he BETTER have not) and I've never cheated on anyone either. To me, it's pointless. Save the trouble, break up and do what you want.
Aysha: LMAO! I wouldn't blame ya! |
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Post by Newlndnfire on Mar 7, 2013 18:59:25 GMT -5
Hmm, I have to say I totally agree with everyone here. I will not tolerate cheating for myself. It's not right and i'd rather you broke up with me than lie to me. But I thought to myself, what if there were kids involved? I'm not sure what i'd do then actually. I don't have kids so I guess I don't know WHAT I would do if my partner cheated on me while we had them. Although I don't think I would know until it happened and hopefully it never does. Does any of your opinions change depending on the situation? I do agree with all of you though. I was just wondering because I'm not sure about my own opinion when the situation is different.  |
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Post by Icciotto on Mar 7, 2013 19:10:16 GMT -5
Hmm, I have to say I totally agree with everyone here. I will not tolerate cheating for myself. It's not right and i'd rather you broke up with me than lie to me. But I thought to myself, what if there were kids involved? I'm not sure what i'd do then actually. I don't have kids so I guess I don't know WHAT I would do if my partner cheated on me while we had them. Although I don't think I would know until it happened and hopefully it never does. Does any of your opinions change depending on the situation? I do agree with all of you though. I was just wondering because I'm not sure about my own opinion when the situation is different. That would be so hard for me to say. I couldn't say unless I actually was unfortunately in that situation. See, without kids now, but only "thinking" if I had them, I would say I would still break it off with my spouse/boyfriend at the time, however, I would of course have the kids see him all the time...but that may drastically change if I actually had the kids. That's a tough one... |
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Post by Newlndnfire on Mar 7, 2013 19:12:21 GMT -5
^ That's what I thought too. I've seen some people who swear up and down they won't stay with a cheater but once kids are involved some (not all) have changed that statement. SO I guess sometimes it DOES depend on the situation for at least some people.
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Meomi
Hatchling
Posts: 65
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Post by Meomi on Mar 8, 2013 7:00:18 GMT -5
It's a hard choice but deep down, if you're not happy with your partner, even when you have kids, it's not good to stay together. The kids can sense you're unhappy and it's not healthy for anyone. I would THINK I would get out of there but I don't have kids so I don't know. I guess you'd have to be in that situation to better answer that. :/
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although i'd love if you applied) I made a change to the rules in my hexing thread. 
